A Change in Plans.

Recently I have found myself to be just the latest victim chewed up and spit out by big, bad corporate America. I use the term "latest" loosely as I have had nearly two weeks to come up with a plan B and nurse my wounds. I can say with 100% certainty many other have fallen victim to Corporate America since me. I certainly never expected at twenty two that I could have been destroyed by the very thing that I have been so eager to get my hands into. The well oiled machine responsible for millions of jobs, billions of dollars worth of revenue for our economy and that glamorous corner office so many dream of. 

My chance at Corporate America didn't exactly come with the opportunity to sit in a corner office overlooking the bustling Manhattan streets with Starbucks and Louboutin's. (My lofty dream.) Mine came in the form of a sparkling new fitness career and Lululemon leggings at one of the fastest growing studios in the country. 

The job offered me the opportunity to be one of those toned, confident, untouchable fitness instructors who barely break a sweat while holding their 90 second plank. These teacher's never get flustered and tend to hold a sense of entitlement. I mean who wouldn't really? At training you are explicitly told that many woman around the country want to be you and to be an instructor of this caliber is really an exclusive position. 

I bet your wondering how my story starts. Let's rewind to August, shall we?

After walking into the studio after a couple drinks too many the night before I struggled through the 9am class. A good workout nonetheless, Pure Barre always is. After, I was approached by the studio owner, a woman in incredible shape, driving a gorgeous car with even better accessories. She is Pure Barre. She asks me how I felt about joining the exclusive PB team as an instructor. I am to be on the first flight to South Carolina for training and after that my dream job is all mine! My head was spinning I couldn't believe my dream job was right in front of me for the taking. I love the method and I LOVE teaching. 

September 11 rolls around and I find myself in the middle of airport security at the time the first plane hit the World Trade Center in 2001. A moment of silence commences shutting down the entire airport. I find myself praying, thanking god for all of the amazing blessings in my life- especially my new venture with Pure Barre. 

Training was a bit of a blur, two full days of all things Pure Barre. A manual, 120 pages in length with proper setups and and cues. Outlining how class is supposed to run, where you should be standing during each section depending upon what your teaching, what you are and aren't allowed to say, where the lights and music should be and when you are allowed to adjust clients form and when you are not. 

The quote that has stuck with me since those two days in a small studio in Spartanburg, South Carolina- "In a regular class you should focus on the clients needs, during your test out video just focus on the rules."

Once returning to wherever you came from, all recent trainees are to take a written exam within 10 days of your return. Mine went off without a hitch when I scored a 95%. One step closer to being on that mic leading class with the best of them. 

The next beast is the test out. I am to record myself teaching a class to a few friends and submit it to corporate for approval. Three months later and here I am. I didn't pass my test out video, I failed more than once. I failed because my music wasn't loud enough, I added a couple of words here and there in my setups and I corrected someone in a section I was told not to. Of course I knew this and had the choice not to correct but I was afraid of injury. I mentioned before, in a normal class that's okay but not in test out. 

I can understand why this sounds like the tale of a girl burned because she just was't good enough and I have spent three months agreeing with you. Three months of filling empty time with studying and practicing for Pure Barre, three months of turning down plans and getting down on myself. Three months of blood, sweat and tears because I just wanted to be good enough. 

After two weeks and a $1300 bill from the studio owner, I realize I wasn't meant to be in that company. I'm not someone who wants to be emulated by my peers rather someone who is always available for help. I've taught barre before and I fell in love with it for the relationships I made and the strength I have been able to help clients achieve. If correcting someone to prevent injury cost me my dream job, so be it. A woman sitting on her computer who has never stepped foot in one of my classes or felt the energy I try to bring to the table everyday, decided I wasn't good enough. Their loss.  

What I have learned in the last few months is that I am good enough. I may not be good at being the perfect teacher everyone wants to be but I am good at being me. Someone who cares about the people she touches on a daily basis and someone who pours their entire heart into what they believe in. 

I believe in Pure Barre and the technique more than anything. It's an incredible class with a lot of calculated thought that goes into every movement and count of music. It really works. However, like most corporate companies, Pure Barre has turned into a Corporate monster that has lost sight of the people who teach to help people achieve their goals and not just to be a svelte, untouchable figure that emulates perfection. 

I can complain all I want but it doesn't change anything. It's time for a Plan B which starts right now with leg day in my new gym.

Also, a huge shoutout to my dream guy that helped me practice and helped wipe away my tears when I failed. Most importantly for helping me see why I shouldn't let a company tell me I'm not enough.