Kardasha-not.

Yesterday marked the one month mark that I have been back in the gym. This time my workouts have improved significantly. I went from someone who went to the gym for 20 minutes on the elliptical and an hour of weight training the same machines every day. I should also mention I was training both upper and lower body in that hour. Then, I wanted to be skinny and that's it. Now, I aspire to be a little more muscular. I believe there's nothing more attractive than someone in good shape. It shows you have a good work ethic and take pride in your health.

The last month has been spent devouring articles and videos on bodybuilding.com. I read articles about what certain supplements are doing to my body, what happens within my muscles to make them grow, proper nutrition to keep my body recovering at a steady pace all while energized and healthy for the rest of my busy schedule. I'm trying different exercises, pushing myself to lift more weight than I am comfortable with and focusing my muscle groups day to day. 

Learning about the science that goes into what I'm doing as well as pouring over Instagram and tumblr for inspiration has made quite the difference. I'm seeing results quicker than I have in my prior gym days and am slowly but surely gaining confidence within myself. 

Pair that confidence with my new ombre hair and Smashbox Shapemaster kit and you have someone channeling their inner Kardashian. Think more Kendall Kardashian and less Kim.

What I have learned is that confidence really doesn't have anything to do with an outward appearance. Sure there are days where my Lulu leggings are looking better than most. Sure there are a days where my curling wand possesses actual magical powers and my curls actually stay for an entire night. There are also days where my liner brush draws a perfect, steady line across my eyelid and I am one happy camper.

Even on my best days, with the best hair and the best liner there's always girls I want to be more like. A little fitter, with a better outfit and better curls. You know those girls. The ones that blow through your life like a wrecking ball, sending the outfit that you thought was cute packing. These are the girls that show up and quickly make you feel like you need to lose ALL of your body fat and go shopping. The second I make a decision to avoid standing next to the pretty girl in a picture, I lose.

My confidence should be stemming from a little spot within my heart. I should be able to look at myself and realize that I have better people skills than the girl I am comparing my looks to. If I see someone upset, I always jump to see if I can help. Pretty girl does nothing.

Social media and culture today create ideals that are nearly impossible to reach. Photoshopped pictures displaying girls with flawless skin and gorgeously defined abs. Well, if I were a celebrity, particularly a Kardashian I would be in pretty good shape too. They get paid to look good which makes getting to the gym on a daily basis part of their job. I could totally handle that. As far as hair and makeup, they have people. Well if I had my own people I would probably look damn good, too!

I'm still striving to be my best in the gym but it means more to me to be my best in every aspect of my life. I'm hoping to make the people around me smile a little more, I'm hoping to be a daughter that visits her parents a little bit more, a girlfriend that is always thinking of the greatest guy first, a friend that always listens and most importantly I'm letting these qualities be the ones that define me. The saying "people may not remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel" has always held true for me.

Working hard for my health is one thing, but pushing to be someone else is another and from what I have learned recently. I don't want to be anyone but me.

I mean when you think about it, KimmyK isn't exactly known for being a good spirit.