Not Looking Back.

It's been two months since I was told I would no longer be nannying and a little over a month since I said goodbye to my little princess. Driving away I told myself that everything happens for a reason and I was so desperately trying to believe it. Of course, I didn't believe myself for a moment. There was no reason, at least one I could think of at the time, why leaving a job I had put so much heart and soul into was right. Especially not when there were two amazing kids involved. I had planned what activities we could do and when, at what age a trip to an amusement park would be enjoyable and above all who I wanted these girls to turn into as people.

Today, two months later, I sit on my back deck with a cup of coffee, a new book and my laptop. My day off spent relaxing and putting together a plan for the Barre class I teach every week, a chance I never would have had if it weren't for that heartbreaking day I had to leave my nanny kids. I find myself in a company that allows me to use my business management major and pair it with my love for fitness and leading a healthy lifestyle. While this isn't my end of the road it's a step in the direction of what I want and it makes me genuinely happy. 

I know that I always want to be in a job that allows me to be active and helping people become the best versions of themselves. I know that I need to set goals in order to achieve everything I want to. I know that I need to move the hell out of this New England winter climate and reside somewhere the stores don't sell ski jackets. I know that I need to dance and focus on me for the next year. Most importantly, I know that I can make these things happen for myself.

What I don't know is exactly where life will take me or exactly who it will pair me with and when. While sometimes I hate that I can't figure out the future, I have other times where not knowing what will happen for me and which doors will open excites me. I can only hope that when I figure out what's best for me, I'll have people there to support me on it. 

For now, I can sit here and say- Today, I fell in love with being alive.

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